The Feeling of Forever
by bryshenners
Summary: It's 1979, James and Lily have been married for a few months. James wants a baby, Lily's unsure. With war waging across the Wizarding World, can James bring his wife's mind at ease and show her that having a child with him would be the feeling of forever?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I hope you all like my new Jily fanfic, something I haven't tried before but the idea came to me during a conversation I had with my partner. Note, this will be a short story. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't make any money from writing these stories. **

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James POV. 

She was so beautiful, I had always thought so. During our school years we had been complete opposites, I was a prankster who lived for the thrill of dying Filch's cat pink and throwing a firework in the Slytherin's cauldrons during Potions class simply because it would cover them from head to toe in swelling solution. It wasn't just me, I had three of the bestest friends known to the world: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. I met my three fellow pranksters on our first day on the Hogwart's Express all those years ago, we had been inseperable ever since. Those three had been the most loyal that I considered them as the brothers I had never had.

My wife had been the hard working, goody-two-shoes type. Her long red hair matched her fiery anger which she usually reserved for me alone. Her green eyes had captivated me from our first encounter and they held my interest ever since our our meeting on the school train. Her name, Lily Marie Evans. Her smile was wide and affectionate to all those around her, everyone who knew her would tell the younger students how kind and loving she was. They all spoke the truth, but I knew a side to her which made me fall more in love with her everytime I set my eyes on her. I knew Lily was kind and loving, but it was the anger and that when she shouted at me for numerous things, I knew that one day we'd have these arguments as man and wife and then it would be acceptable for me to kiss it away and turn it into a passion which she would only have for me.

When Lily finally agreed to go on a date with me in seventh year, my heart stopped beating. All the other times it had been a roll of the eyes and a strict no. But this time it was an annoyed smile and her eyes told me that she was fed up of me not getting the message. I went all out, took her for a drink in Hogsmeade and a stroll in the village before taking her to the room of requirement with a food basket from the kitchens and we 'star gazed' after curfew. I would have taken her up to the Astronomy tower but Lily was adament that she didn't want to go outside especially as we were Head boy and girl. So using the invisibility cloak I had inherited from my father, me and Lily snuck into the room of requirement. We've been together ever since.

It's June 1979 and we've been married for nearly six months. Together since October 1977 and she finally agreed to marry me on our one year anniversary, right after we graduated. Dumbledore recruited us to a secret society called the Order of the Phoenix at the end of last year, and already things are looking bad. Lots of muggle deaths and although Lily denies it, I know it troubles her deeply.

When we first got together, there were some who were jealous because I was a bit of a womaniser in my younger years. I wasn't as bad as Sirius though. Whilst Lily could handle the jealous ones, she couldn't handle those who had been of 'pure birth'. The purebloods saw me as a blood traitor for dating a muggleborn and said that if we were to marry, then I would be endangering myself to Lord Voldemort. I didn't care. I didn't care about my pureblood status or the fact that Lily was born to a muggle family, her parents were the loveliest people I had ever met in the muggle world. But Lily sometimes got scared that she would cause me into an early grave if our relationship continued after school and when I told her that I loved her and that I'd happily die for standing up to Voldemort, it wouldn't be her fault.

Even now, she still gets scared. There is little that we argue on and our arguments tend to be little. But recently I brought up a subject that caused Lily and I to have our biggest fight yet.

_"Are you insane? James Potter, we're in the middle of a war and you decide that you're ready for a baby!" Lily shrieked at me._

_I was sat at the kitchen table in the house I had inherited from my parents, drinking a cold cup of tea which Lily had made me ten minutes previously._

_"I only said that I wanted one, I'd love to be a daddy." I defended._

_"You said that you wanted us to try for one." Lily growled._

_"I don't care about this stupid war Lily, I want to live for the good in life and not be scared to do something that I want to do because some maniac thinks he can take over the wizarding world." I shouted back. _

_"I don't want to put our child at risk. It's bad enough that I have to put you at risk whenever I go out on a mission." Lily cried. _

_"How about you go and calm down and realise that the amount of bad that is happening around us, a baby will be something good out of it." _

Ever since then, we haven't really spoken. I want a baby with my wife, I didn't think it was so crazy. It's natural for a married couple to think about children, well Remus agreed with me anyway. Sirius could see both angles, he said he understood my wanting of a child but also understood Lily's reluctance about it. I already know what is going on in her mind and I know how scared she is, but we have to live in the present. Being targeted by Voldemort because we won't join his followers makes you aware that you might not have much time left.

I knew a long time ago that Lily was the only girl I could ever love and I knew that our love would be forever. But creating a life with her, a child with her eyes and my Quidditch ability, would give me the feeling of forever. Having a baby with Lily would show the world what our love created, what the feeling of forever was to us.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily's POV

I never knew what was missing from my life until the first time James Potter's lips met mine for the first time. I had read all about experiencing fireworks when you met 'the one' but that was a bit of an understatement when I first kissed James Potter. I have to agree, there had been fireworks but it was also like an exciting little jolt of electricity, leaving me eager for more. Just the way his lips moved over mine and the way he held me made the flutterings in my stomach go wild.

It only took me a little while to realise after we first started dating that I was in love with him. His eyes, the way he smiled nervously at me when I caught him ruffling his hair to the way he held me and listened to me after a bad day. I had come to realise that there was more to the raven haired boy than Quidditch and pranks. He was a loyal friend who would do anything for those he loved. I admired what he had done for Remus and his condition, that only made me fall for him even more.

Our relationship was always a funny one. Even though James took his education more seriously and had matured a bit by seventh year, he was still a boy. He was still a boy who said stupid things without thinking which could make me shout at him. He would still forget to hand in his homework and we would bicker over stupid things like what Professor's teaching methods were best and who had to do the prefect's nightly patrol schedule.

The one thing we had always agreed on was to never go to bed fighting, we would always make up. I had come to learn that making up after an argument was when we were at our most passionate for each other. Both of us showing just how much we loved the other and how we couldn't be without them even if they did drive us up the wall.

After school, we began to realise that we weren't little kids anymore. I began to work as a trainee healer at St Mungo's whilst James was unsure of what he wanted to do. His family were rich enough that he didn't need to work, he could easily support a family on his inheritence. He even supported Remus due to the latter not being able to find a job due to his condition. In October of that year, James proposed to me when we were on our way back from settling a serious argument between Marlene and Sirius. Happily, I accepted. We were married in the January after, a week before my nineteenth birthday. It was a small ceremony with our closest friends and my parents, my sister refused to attend the event. We honeymooned for a week in France before we returned to England for our work for the Order.

It frightened me to death working for the Order. The amount of muggle and muggleborn killings that were going on was high in number, but I didn't let this stop me. James and I were mostly sent on missions together and we only came back with minor injuries. The amount of people getting married and going into hiding were also high in number, this only seemed normal. The thing that frightened me most about this war was that if I were to fall pregnant. Voldemort already wanted the muggleborns wiped out, he wouldn't even give consider sparing the child of a muggleborn even if the child's father was a pureblood. I didn't ever want to put James in that position. If Voldemort were to target us if we were to have a child, I didn't want James to be put in the position of losing both his wife and child. I loved him too much to put thim through that pain.

So when James turned around and said that he wanted to start a family, I felt stunned. We had never discussed the possibility of having a family and although he pretended otherwise, he knew how upset I felt whenever I read of a familiar person who had been murdered by the Death Eaters. What if one day the Prophet was telling the world of my death, our child's death? Of James's survival?

We haven't spoken properly since then, going to sleep with this awkward atmosphere between us. I want to talk to him, but I don't know what to say to him. Scared of what I do say will make him angrier with me. It's not as if I'm saying I don't want a child with him, of course I do but now is not the right time. Bringing a baby up in a war must be the most terrifying ordeal and it wouldn't be fair on the child to make it look over it's shoulder in fear of being murdered.

It's been two weeks now and I'm pulling on his old Quidditch top that I've worn to bed since we first started dating. I climb under the duvet, laying on my side and knowing it won't be long before James slides in next to me. He returned from a mission with Moody an hour ago and was covered in cuts and bruises, he wouldn't let me heal them; saying he wanted to do it himself.

The curtains show a gap in the window and I can see the reds and oranges of the sunset sky turning into a jet black as night begins to take over. Soon it would be a new day and there's not much more I can take from this. Deciding that enough is enough, I kick back the duvet and climb out of bed; marching out of our bedroom and down the stairs to confront my husband; hoping to put this silly fight to rest.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily got to the bottom of the stairs, walking into the living room to see that James was still sat on the sofa. He had been reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, one of Lily's favourite books that she had convinced him to give a chance. She smiled affectionately at her husband, she loved watching him read; he was relaxed and concentrated so hard on the words written on the page before him.

She coughed and he looked up, checking his watch before stretching widely. He hadn't realised how late it was. James smiled at her lightly as he folded the corner of the page he was on and shut the book. Lily sat next to him, placing her hand on his thigh.

"I don't want to fight with you." Lily sighed.

James frowned, "We aren't fighting." he stated.

"We haven't been the same since you told me that you wanted a baby."

"Just forget I said anything."

"I can't do that James."

He met her eyes, concerned at how upset her green eyes showed she was. He didn't like fighting with her either, he loved her more than anything and this subject was the first major thing that they had argued about.

"Why are you so scared about having a child with me? Do you think I won't be hands on?" James questioned.

Lily looked mortified at that, she hit him on the shoulder.

"I don't question your ability about being a father, that's not the reason." Lily hissed.

"Talk to me Lily."

"I'm a muggleborn so I'm already a target. We've already refused him three times James and have been lucky to escape with our lives, if he were to target us he'd kill me without hesitation. If I gave you a child, he'd kill our baby without hesitation too, regardless of your pureblood status." Lily replied.

James nodded and the two remained silent for a few minutes as James began to let her explanation sink in. He wasn't angry with her, he understood why she felt this way. All muggleborns did he assumed, he knew that Mary did. Some muggleborns had gone as far as to go into hiding or to go abroad.

"Lily, you have to stop letting this rule our lives. We're married now and it's natural to feel scared about this especially with the war going on. But one day he will be defeated and the world we will live in will be good. I want to see you pregnant with a life we both created, I want to see your face light up the first time you feel a kick or feel it move around. I want to see you hold our child for the first time after giving birth. I want to see who they'll look like and most of all I want the world to see how much I love you. By having a baby with you, it will show the world that the love I have for you is forever Lily." James whispered softly.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She hated fighting with him and she hoped that now she had explained why she was fearful of starting a family with him that they coud move forward. The timing didn't feel right to start a baby, but with the war and no-one knew when it would end, when was the right time for a family?

James released her and stroked away a stray tear that had fallen out of the corner of her eye.

"Will you at least consider the possibility of having a baby?" James asked quietly.

Lily bit her lip and nodded, "I'll consider it but be patient? It's a huge thing to consider and will change our lives if I agree to it."

James smiled, "Lily I'm possibly the most patient person that you know." he replied.

Lily smirked, "You waited two years for me to agree to a date with you."

"And now you're married to me. Patience is my middle name."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Your middle name is Charlus, after your father."

James nodded, "It should've been patience."

"I don't think it would have been a good name for a boy."

James stretched and yawned heavily before holding out his hand to which Lily smiled and took. He led them back up the stairs and to their bedroom, both happy that they had managed to sort out their argument and be happy, with Lily considering the chance of starting a family with James.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily sat in the back garden with a ice cold glass of pumpkin juice, enjoying the August sunshine and heat. Since she and James had made up, their relationship was getting back on track and the two hadn't discussed the possibility of having a child together; it seemed that James was respecting her wish to give her time to think on it. Everywhere she went there seemed to be a family with a new baby, as if the world was trying to persuade her to have one too.

Since patching things up with James, she had thought a lot about having a child. She pictured herself being pregnant and her life with James after having a baby and it was a mixture of good and bad; trying to adjust to the needs of a baby and having to do missions for the order. Would they be able to cope with the pressures of being in the order if Lily was having a baby?

She had also pictured what the baby would look like, a boy with James looks and skills on the Quidditch pitch or a girl with flaming red hair like hers. She pictured them both watching their childs first attempt at crawling and walking and she felt a surge of pride when she pictured it. It was the images of how she pictured a future and a family with her husband that made her make up her mind.

Lily finished off the last of her pumpkin juice and smiled when she felt familiar hands on her shoulders and a light kiss to her cheek. Her eyes followed James and watched as he sat in the chair next to hers.

"You slept in late." said Lily.

"Didn't get home til late. Dumbledore had us chasing a lead on suspected Death Eaters last night." James replied.

"Any luck?" Lily asked.

James exhaled heavily and shook his head.

"Can we talk about something better than suspected Death Eaters?" asked Lily.

"Of course."

Lily smiled, "I've been thinking about the idea of us having a child."

James's eyes widened, surprised that she wanted to have this conversation now when she had asked for time to think it through.

"I'm intrigued but you did say that you needed time to think." said James.

"Well I've had some time and I'd like to start trying for a baby."

She couldn't help but grin when James leapt from his seat happily and knelt in front of her. He took both her hands and squeezed them gently.

"Do you mean it?"

Lily nodded, "I want us to have a family James." she whispered.

Before she could question what was happening, James had gotten to his feet and had scooped her up in his arms. She squealed in delight as James went back into the house and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. Once inside he locked the door and cast a silencing charm before setting her down on their bed.

"What are you doing?"

James grinned as he removed his t-shirt and hovered over her.

"I've been waiting for you to agree to have a baby with me for ages, now that I have your agreement, I'm not waiting a minute longer."

Lily's eyes widened as she sat up a little.

"You want to start now!"

James nodded as he placed a line of kisses on her jaw.

"I want to see your belly growing with the life we created, I want to feel my child kick inside you. I want that as soon as possible, why not start now?"

Lily giggled as James began to lift her shirt over her head, "I suppose you make a good point." she whispered as his lips moved to the sensitive skin at her neck.

"Don't I always Mrs Potter?"

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**A/N: Sorry for the delay and the short chapter but I hope you like it. **


	5. Chapter 5

Lily's POV

We've been trying to have a baby for a few months now and we've had no luck yet. We've spoken to some healers at St Mungo's who have assured us that it doesn't always happen straight away and it can take a few months for some couples. They also advised that if we had been trying to more than a year then to see a specialist who could help determine the cause of why we haven't conceived a child.

It's November now and I'm over a week late again. James is on a mission with Sirius and has been for the past week, so he doesn't know that I've been to the supermarket to get a pregnancy test. I'm sat on the edge of the bath, it's been a minute and a half since I took the test and still have a minute and a half to go. It seems to be the longest three minutes of my life.

I picture the disappointment on James's face if the test turns out to be negative again, like all the other times. He doesn't blame me but I feel guilty for not getting pregnant yet, he really wants a baby. Since I agreed to starting a family with James, I've pictured him being a brilliant dad. Teaching our son how to ride a broomstick as soon as he could walk, seeing him being protective of our daughter for choosing a bad boy for a boyfriend and James not approving. I'd give anything to give him a child, I'm just as desperate for a baby as James is.

When I look down at the test, my heart stops in my chest. Two pink vertical lines stand clear on the test. I double check the booklet, knowing what it means but want to double check it before I get my hopes up. It's positive. The test is positive.

I take out the other unused test, having bought a twin pack from the supermarket. I use it and wait another three minutes, just in case the first one was a false positive for I've heard that can sometimes happen. My heart is racing in my chest, with nerves and excitement. We've been wanting this to happen for months and now it could finally be happening for us.

After another three minutes, two pink vertical lines appear on the test. My hearts beats in excitement, I'm pregnant. I'm having James's baby, our baby. No more trying only to be disappointed with a negative result. Finally we were given what we both wanted. I chucked the tests into the empty bathroom bin and decided to have a lie down so that I didn't over excite myself and the reality I was going to be a mother.

The next thing I knew, I was being lightly shaken and I woke up to a blurry figure of my husband. I smiled at him as I sat up, glad that he was finally home so that I could tell him the good news.

"How was your mission?"

James shrugged, "Another dead end. Are you feeling unwell?" he asked me.

I shook my head, "I didn't want to over excite myself."

James frowned at me, "I don't understand."

I smile widely at him and lean in a little closer, merely inches away from his lips and I held his gaze. He still looked confused and I knew in a matter of seconds it would change to what I hoped would be joy and excitement.

"I took another test today."

"And?"

"It was positive James. We're having a baby." I whisper, running one of my hands through his messy black hair and hoped that if we had a son that he would take after James in every way possible.

James grinned from ear to ear before placing a light kiss on my lips, causing me to feel relieved that I was finally having our baby.

"Oh Lily, that's amazing. You're definitely sure?"

I nodded, "I took two tests, both were positive." I replied.

"Rest love, I'll take you to St Mungo's tomorrow just to have it confirmed by a healer."

I smile at him once more before laying back down onto the pillows, with James stroking my forehead happily. It isn't long before I fall back to sleep, cradling my belly which will only grow over the following months.


	6. Chapter 6

James sat on the bed, feeling rather bad as he listened to Lily throwing up in the bathroom across the hallway. Lily was only three months pregnant and the first trimester had been a tough one. His wife constantly felt tired and took two naps a day as well as her usual eight hours sleep at night. She was also sick every morning and couldn't stomach breakfast. James was starting to feel guilty for he had been the one to suggest about starting a family in the first place. He knew that the morning sickness wouldn't last for much longer as his mother had always said it only lasts a short while but he still felt guilty seeing his wife suffer each morning.

He heard the toilet flush and Lily emerged from the bathroom. He rose from the bed and wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, he hated seeing her suffer like this. But on the bright side, the healers who had confirmed the pregnancy had said that the morning sickness tended to stop around the twelve week mark.

"Shall we make a move?" he whispered tenderly.

Lily nodded against his chest and moved from his arms to pull her coat on before passing James his own. They had an appointment at St Mungo's for an ultrasound scan, the first time that they would be seeing their baby. Both felt a little nervous and excited, nervous because it would be the first time that they would have this experience and excited because it would make the idea that they were having a baby more real.

The two set out of the house and both climbed into the car that the two had bought, which James had enchanted to drive itself. The healers had told them that travelling by floo network, apparition and port-key was severely dangerous for both mother and baby so they had no choice but to drive. Lily was quiet on the journey, with James keeping his hands on the steering wheel to make it look to on looking muggles that he was the one driving the enchanted vehicle.

James parked the car across the road from a closed department store. He and Lily locked up the car and crossed the road, whispering to the mannequin that they had an appointment in the maternity department. They stepped into the atrium and booked in at reception before heading to the correct floor, both still feeling as nervous and excited as they had when they had left the house.

They watched as couples who were further along and expecting their first, second or third child be called in for their scans, and James noticed that they all seemed as excited as he and Lily were despite having gone through having a child more than once. He hoped that he would get to experience this more after the birth of their first child, he loved feeling this way.

After waiting for an hour, it was there turn. He took Lily's hand and helped her to her feet, squeezing it lightly as they followed the healer into one of the rooms that was off the waiting room. The healer instructed Lily to lay on the bed whilst she sat at her chair and tapped a device which made contact with the gel that the healer had placed on her lower belly, making Lily shiver. The device moved over and the enchanted screen turned so that Lily and James could see what was happening.

As the healer began to point out the baby's body and heartbeat, Lily and James stared silently at the flickering heartbeat and movements that the baby was making with their hands and feet. It was tiny but already looked like a developing human being, making them both speechless at how moving this moment was.

After a few minutes of discussion about how Lily was feeling and what they were required do to next, Lily and James left the room and booked an appointment for their twenty week scan. Both hadn't discussed the scan but watched the scan photo that the healer had developed for them, both of them still speechless as they continued to watch the heartbeat and little movements made.

When they stepped through the front door, they were hardly surprised to see Sirius, Marlene, Remus and Mary waiting for them. Alice and Frank had gone on holiday and Peter was visiting his parents. All four of their friends seemed to be as excited as they were as the scan photo was passed around the room. They talked with their friends for a while about potential baby names and Lily didn't seem impressed when Sirius declared that if the baby was a boy, he'd be teaching him all the 'cool stuff' that uncles did with their nephews; which to Lily meant that Sirius would be teaching her son(if the baby were a boy) how to pull an awesome prank on the caretaker without getting caught or how to enchant a motorbike to fly or how to chat up Madam Rosmerta at The Three Broomsticks, some favourite past times of her husband's best friend.

The four left after eating dinner with James and Lily, to which Lily felt a bit relieved for she could talk with James about their first scan experience. She sat next to her husband, feeling grateful when he lifted her feet and began to massage them.

"So what do you think?" she asked.

James smiled, "Happy, excited. It's all so real now that we've actually seen the baby on a scan."

"I loved every second of it, I can't wait until I feel it kick for the first time."

"The healer said that you'll feel it before I do because you're the one carrying it. But I look forward to having that experience too, I'll enjoy every experience to come."

Lily rested her head back on the arm of the sofa, enjoying the massage as James switched to the other foot. She felt so relaxed when James did that, not that he did it often.

"I'm sure I will too, even if I'm to get quite uncomfortable towards the end."

James chuckled, "I'll remember to stay patient with you and remember it's the pregnancy hormones when you yell at me."

Lily rolled her eyes, "James, I've yelled at you plenty of times in the past few years. Mostly because you were an immature prat."

James grinned, "You sure it wasn't because you secretly wanted me and it frustrated you?" he teased.

Lily slapped him playfully on the wrist.

"I'm sure if our baby turns out to be a boy, he'll end up like you in some ways. I just hope that our son inherits my maturity and your good looks."

"And my Quidditch talent, don't forget about that."

Lily rolled her eyes once more, "Men and bloody Quidditch." she muttered.


End file.
